As line-ups around the world become more and more crowded, it’s becoming harder to get through a complete session without experiencing some form of surf-hatred. There are all types of haters in the water these days and they express varying degrees of this malicious energy. The inspiration for this post comes from a recent encounter with one of my least favorite and most obnoxious types: the passive-aggressive longboard hater.

So I’m paddling into a right from pretty deep and as I palm down to pop up, I see a another guy scrapping to get into the same wave, going left?! Wow! The guy’s going to need a 225 hp outboard to get into this thing, I’m already there and the left is closing out all the way down the beach. I bottom turn around his mush and keep cruising, not giving it a second thought. Then I hear some incoherent whining that ends with a squealing, high pitched, “dude!” I paddle back out to the guy, responding with an emotionally neutral, “sorry, what’s that?” Homeboy replies with a condescending, “I was going left on that wave, man.” I’m dumb struck by the guy’s audacity and can only respond with an, “oh.” It gets worse… As he paddles away from me, I can hear him mutter under his breath, “Fucking longboarders!” It gets funnier…he gets dumped on the very next wave. This after scrapping so hard it looks like he’s evading a shark napping at his heels.

This stuff happens all the time. In this case, the contrast of badass attitude and zero skill was hilarious, like watching the bad guy eat his own shit. But it’s not always so funny. Some line-ups have such a dense atmosphere of negativity that it affects the whole session. I know it can be frustrating as hell to be dodging ditched boards and kamikaze beginners all day, but it’s just as bad, if not worse, than having to deal with a bunch of headcases. So, let’s all learn something from the dumb-ass I was surfing with the other day. It’s a lesson that I feel ought to be applied both in the water and out. If you want to express some frustration, think twice. What’s worse, having your style cramped or being in a position or state of mind where you just can’t get over it?

Look, I’m no surf saint. I’ve been known to throw underwater temper tantrums, be rude to my girlfriend after a lousy session, and have devilish thoughts about my fellow surfers while out in the line-up. I can honestly say, however, that regardless of whether you’re on the giving or receiving end of bad vibes, it sucks and it’s not good for yours, or anyone else’s surfing. As far as passive-aggressive longboard hatred goes, I think Robert “Wingnut” Weaver said it best in a Surfer Magazine interview a while back. “Take a lesson from the Samarai. They never judged the sword. They judged the man. Longboards don’t make people assholes. They’re born that way.”

Posted by Caleb on Monday, December 15th, 2008 in Surfing.

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