By Caleb McMahan

It’s another beautiful day in the water. Waist high waves, see-the-bottom clarity, and consistent sets are all contributing to a really fun session at one of my favorite spots. I take a little break from the action and jump off my 9′0″ for a brief swim about. I’ve got this superstition (among others) that if I touch the bottom a set wave will come right to me when I surface. As I come up to find my board I can barely suppress my glee as a promising lump forms on the horizon. Ca-caaaw! I’m visualizing an ollie-oop drop-in to hang five as I start paddling for yet another great wave. Then I hear it….

I should have known it was coming. I heard it yesterday…and the day before. I heard the same thing last weekend when the swell dropped off a bit. Some chick said it to me on Monday when it was over head and barreling. I could have even sworn I heard the boogie-boarder tell that guy in the kayak a variation of the same thing earlier in the session, but I didn’t want to deal with it. It goes a little something like this, “looks like you got the right board for today, huh?” Or, “perfect board for these waves, man.” Or the seemingly benign, but highly obnoxious and self pitying, “I wish I had MY long board today.”

So what’s the big deal, right? Why do these comments start to disgust me after hearing them for the nine hundredth time? It’s not that I feel offended, or don’t like to discuss my equipment. My focus is almost never interrupted by small talk in the water. What I can’t stand is the fact that nine times out of ten these comments are fueled not by stoke, good vibe, or genuine surf enthusiasm, but by board envy, insecurity issues, and self loathing cognitive dissonance. With few exceptions, these little bitches see me slaying it, having fun on the big stick, and instead of being stoked, critiquing, ignoring, and/or learning from my style and approach, they’re wondering why they aren’t having as much fun as I am. And what’s worse is that they’re salty about it. Instead of appreciating the fact that someone’s out there taking control of the nose (or at least trying), these bitter loud-mouths are projecting their lack of skill self esteem issues on the guy that’s seems to be having the most fun, or who happens to be catching a lot of waves, or in my case the guy with the long board.

The long board is me. This is who I am every day. This is what I do. By alluding to my board and not my approach or style, my envious critics are, in essence, discrediting and downplaying my surfing. By saying that I’ve got the right board these haters are implying that they DON’T have the right board, which to me is an inherent and pathetic complaint. It’s bitching, griping, whining, and crying at its worse. And I don’t want to hear that shit when I’m out surfing. So, here it is people once and for all. My preemptive response to this most ridiculous comment is this: It’s ALWAYS a fun day on my long board and if you want a wave, you’ve got to dive down and touch the bottom.

*Caleb McMahan is currently studying Biology at Portland State University in Oregon. Caleb spends the summer months in southern Nicaragua as a shaper of minds(teacher). With his students as a driving force, Caleb headed the Nica Skate Pit project; centered around the construction and launch of one of the only known half-pipes in Nicaragua. His fluidity and unique wave interpretation combine to produce an incredibly smooth style of longboarding. Be sure to suss out nicaskatepit.com and take a look at the blossoming Nica-skate scene that is nicely complimenting it’s ever-growing surf community.

Yes, the picture above is Caleb, courtesy of NSR.

Posted by Caleb on Sunday, October 26th, 2008 in Surfing.

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